TESTIMONY + PRAYER

Acts 4:12

Though once traumatized, hopeless, and despairing, there is healing and absolute hope at the conclusion of this testimony. Permanent hope, impossible healing, and eternal life are found in JESUS CHRIST!

My post abortion trauma worsened over nearly 3 decades, and adversely affected my spiritual, physical and mental health. I suffered with intrusive, torturous and unceasing thoughts perpetuated by self-unforgiveness. 50, 100, 300 times per day, I deeply lamented my child’s killing, and in my mind, these and similar thoughts ruminated: “I consented to the killing of my own child,” “I allowed a doctor to kill my child,” “I had an abortion,” “I am a murderer,” “I am unforgivable,” “I may go to hell.” Each thought brought overwhelming guilt, unspeakable shame, clinical depression, inconsolable sorrow and perpetual torment. These thoughts infiltrated and significantly impaired every aspect of my life. 

My life after the death of my child was almost unbearable. I numbed myself, sometimes continually, sometimes a lot with alcohol and drugs, which led me to commit greater evils. I defiled my spirit, mind and body with extreme transgressions and grave sexual sins and made my bed in hell with Satan, blaspheming The LORD. Like certain medically incurable diseases, which present as a singular, acute issue and then spread, becoming progressive, chronic, and life threatening, so was abortion, except for the intervening LOVE of GOD. 

Believing that I was not qualified to receive GOD’S LOVE, by HOLY SPIRIT’S Power, I continued to pray and hope for possible reconciliation. By GOD’S Grace, I was pricelessly and eternally gifted with another child, and one by one, HE enabled me to overcome these horrible addictions and refrain from most of my sin patterns. The LORD Helped me to be a mom, to teach my daughter about HIM and to love HIM above all things. HE enabled me to become a nurse, a borough council person, and even a photographer; but, like most persons suffering from severe trauma related symptoms, even amidst great and wonderful circumstances, inside, I was not wonderful. I still believed that I was hopeless, an accomplice to murder. Within my heart, I was a murderer, and worse, I believed that I was separated from goodness, and most likely eternally separated from GOD. 

My depressing thoughts were uncontrollable. They grew and escalated, and if not for GOD’s LOVE, would likely have precipitated my very early death. These profoundly negative thought patterns were cognitive clinical symptoms that also presented physically with clinical signs. Throughout the decades, I cried frequently and uncontrollably, feared dying, overworked myself, lost my hair, had heart palpitations and was often in a cold and profuse sweat. I was claustrophobic in even small crowds and continually hypervigilant. I had poor emotional boundaries and attached inappropriately to family, friends and acquaintances. The chronic traumatic symptoms from abortion, also included an uncompromising inability to share this most agonizing and grievous pain with anyone. I was bound by demonic: shame, guilt, fear, anxiety, uncertainty, hatred and death. I knew that my overall health was deteriorating, and I knew why. 

Despite the nearly 30 years without genuine hope for healing, I now have hope and have received healing from all abortion trauma in JESUS CHRIST, my SAVIOR, RESCUER, DELIVERER, and LORD WHO Never disappoints us!

To everyone suffering from abortion loss:

I am so very sorry that you are and have been suffering. Because I consented to abortion at age 20, I understand in part, what some of you are going through, as I suffered so deeply for 30 years. 

For everyone who has been involved in any form of prochoice advocacy or prochoice occupation:

I am so very sorry that you are suffering also! At age 17 and 18, I worked for a humane society that killed dogs and cats. Part of my job was to hold down the animals while they received a lethal injection, place the killed animals in a garbage bag and then in a freezer. 

For anyone bound by sexual sin – pornography, deviant sexual thoughts, etc:

I too participated in such evil violations against my body when I allowed my mind and thoughts to commit unspeakable sexual sins, and mental and spiritual adulteries. Consequently, in every single way that I sinned in action and thought, I inherited the sin, iniquity, bondages, soul ties, yokes and generational curses of those who I sinned against.

To everyone who feels that they have gone too far to receive GOD’s Forgiveness:

I too was tormented that I had gone too far for GOD to forgive me. I thought that I had committed unpardonable sin(s); I did not know that GOD Will forgive unpardonable sin(s) when we repent with all of our heart and call out for JESUS to Save us!!! JESUS Is The Only, but Assured WAY for our forgiveness.

We thank, praise and worship our LORD JESUS CHRIST, WHO Alone Is Able to break the power of all sin in our lives!! When we confess our sins to GOD with genuine sorrow, we receive complete forgiveness for those sins, healing and freedom in The NAME of JESUS, through HIS Life Saving Blood!! 

If you are in need of forgiveness and desire to know that you will spend eternity in heaven with JESUS, please say the following prayer: 

FATHER in Heaven, I am forever sorry for all of the sins in my past! I believe in my heart that YOU sent YOUR Only SON, JESUS, to earth. I believe that JESUS Lived without sin and Died on a cross so that I can be forgiven for all of my sins. I also believe that by The Power of The HOLY SPIRIT, JESUS Was Raised from the dead to eternal life in heaven! I desire JESUS to be my SAVIOR and declare with my mouth that JESUS is now LORD of my life! Thank YOU JESUS for giving me the Gift of Eternal life! I choose to follow YOU forever. In YOUR NAME JESUS I pray, amen!*

*Salvation prayer adapted from LFCC Global, WA

Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. -Hebrews 10:22

Precious JESUS, we are fully repentant for our sins LORD, which have grieved YOU so horribly! We are so completely sorry LORD and with YOUR Help, we will never again commit such terrible evil against YOU, ourselves, or against another. Completely Deliver every person in need of deliverance JESUS, and Heal every person in need of healing by YOUR All Compassionate LOVE and WORD! Grant that every person receives YOUR Forgiveness completely in their hearts! We declare JESUS Bind and Break every earthbound subatomic, singular and plural demonic power and assignment, including, but not limited to, generational and sexual: yokes, curses, bondages and soul ties assigned to those praying, in JESUS’ NAME!!! Extract and Destroy these evils LORD, never to return again, in YOUR NAME JESUS! The LORD Bind, Break and Destroy all earthbound demonic powers against us, including, but not limited to, associated spirits of abortion, trauma, guilt and shame, in JESUS’ NAME! Cleanse, Purify and Keep us sprinkled with YOUR Supernatural and All Protective BLOOD, in YOUR NAME we pray JESUS! “And because you belong to HIM, The Power of The LIFE-GIVING SPIRIT has Freed you from the power of sin that leads to death” (Romans 8:2). Thank YOU JESUS that it is YOUR Will that each of us pray, prosper and be in health (3 John 1:2). Impart within every person assuredness of Forgiveness, Salvation and YOUR Miraculous Peace! Grant JESUS that our hearts have no unforgiveness for anyone, including ourselves, but, that we love YOU GOD with all of our hearts, minds, souls and strength forever! We declare LORD that we love all others with meekness, complete forgiveness, leniency and mercy that YOU Modeled for us on the Cross JESUS as YOU Prayed with inconceivable Compassion, “FATHER, forgive them, for they do not know what they do” (Luke 23:34), in JESUS’ NAME. LORD, because each person who agrees in this prayer desires wholeheartedly to turn from evil and receive YOU, we are YOUR Children! We receive the Blessed Privilege to be YOUR Daughters and Sons! Please Cover and Overflow within every person YOUR PRESENCE, HOLY SPIRIT! Bind forever YOUR LOVE, Kindness, Counsel, Knowledge, Fear of The LORD and Truth to our necks, in JESUS’ NAME! We surrender all that we are to YOU forever with all delight, privilege, reverential fear, awe and wonder! Please Ensure LORD that we are ever mindful that YOU, HOLY SPIRIT, Are Always Present with us, and that YOU Hear and See all that we say and do. Ensure LORD that we follow and abide in YOU and YOU alone and never try to lead YOU, HOLY SPIRIT! Complete us now JESUS, and Seal us forever HOLY SPIRIT with YOUR PRESENCE!! We thank, praise and worship YOU with pledged and humbled obedience, now and forever, in Your All Compassionate, All Merciful, All Forgiving NAME JESUS. We exalt YOU forever and pray, AMEN! AMEN!!

The Bible assures us that no power in hell can separate us from The LOVE of GOD! We are healed spiritually in JESUS’ NAME, AMEN!! We are healed mentally in JESUS’ NAME, AMEN!! We are healed physically in JESUS’ NAME, AMEN!! By Faith in JESUS, we have complete assurance of HIS Forgiveness and complete assurance of eternal life now and in heaven with HIM forever! We are determined to be a blessing to all we encounter for the rest of our days. We will not look back, but press forward, trusting not in ourselves, but fully trusting in JESUS to transform us! UNFAILING LORD, help us to always give YOU All Glory for the forgiveness that YOU have so very generously given us, our privilege of spending eternal life with YOU in heaven, all the healing that YOU have done for us, and the utmost honor to be called YOUR Children, in JESUS’ NAME, we thank YOU, praise YOU, and exalt YOU with all that we are forever, AMEN! AMEN!! 

I fully agree with you in this prayer, Witnessed by The HOLY SPIRIT, with all of my Love in our LORD always,

Anna 

[Professionally, as a patient/client advocate, I long have understood that abortion deliberately kills a living, viable, preborn person and results in the mother’s critical injury. Purposed child killing and life threatening maternal injuries are neonatal and maternal violations in standards of care. Children are cared for in utero from the earliest of prenatal visits, and killing is associated with spiritually and psychologically disabling trauma. Basics in embryology recognize that at 22 days of age, preborn children have a life sustaining, regular heartbeat, and in fact, a child’s heart will continue to beat in utero approximately 54 million times between conception and birth! Ethically and legally, I cannot allow anyone in my care to self-harm, especially lethal self-harm, as established nursing codes of conduct serve to protect all patients from intentional injury.] 

JESUS Said: For GOD So LOVED the world that HE Gave HIS ONE and ONLY SON, that whoever believes in HIM shall not perish but have eternal life. For GOD Did Not Send HIS SON into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through HIM. -John 3:16-17 

If you openly declare that JESUS IS LORD and believe in your heart that GOD Raised HIM for the dead, you will be saved. -Romans 10:9

For it is by Grace (GOD’s Remarkable Compassion) you have been Saved, through Faith – and This (Salvation) is not from yourselves (not through your own effort),  it is The (Undeserved Gift) Gift of GOD- not by works, so that no one can boast. – Romans 2:8-9

JESUS Said: “And I Give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My Hand. My FATHER, WHO Has Given them to ME, IS Greater Than All; and no one is able to snatch them out of My FATHER’S Hand. I and MY FATHER ARE ONE.”-John 10:28

Therefore HE (JESUS) IS Able, once and forever, to Save those who come to GOD through HIM.  HE Lives forever to Intercede with GOD on their behalf. -Hebrews 7:25 

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from GOD’s LOVE. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow – not even the powers of hell can separate us from GOD’s LOVE. -Romans 8:38

So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to CHRIST JESUS. -Romans 8:1

GOD Made HIM WHO Had No Sin to be sin for us, so that in HIM we might become the Righteousness of GOD. –2 Corinthians 5:21

If we confess our sins, HE is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. -1 John 1:9

As far as the east is from the west, so far has HE removed our transgressions from us. –Psalm 103:12

JESUS said, “But seek first the kingdom of GOD and HIS Righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” –Matthew 6:33

And you, being dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, HE has made alive together with HIM, having forgiven you all trespasses, having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, which was contrary to us. And HE has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross. – Colossians 2:13-14

Blessed be The LORD, because HE has heard the voice of my supplications! The LORD is my STRENGTH and my SHIELD; my heart trusted in HIM, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I will praise HIM. – Psalm 28:6-7

Now therefore, if you will indeed obey My Voice and keep My Covenant, then you shall be a special treasure to ME above all people; for all the earth. –Exodus 19:5